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Thursday, 11 April 2013

David Cameron vs Hitler

"Mi-iss...?" 


Curious George is squinting at me with a look that says he's about to ask a difficult question. Probably about the economy.

"Miss..." he repeats, "Why do we have wars?"

Excellent. I've been waiting for an opportunity to put my B in GCSE History to use. Curious George resents superficial responses. For every answer you give he has another five questions to fire at you. A simple conversation quickly becomes a challenging episode of Mastermind. And it's never your chosen category.

So I try not to leave any stone unturned, launching into an enthusiastic explanation about territory, religion, money, oil and revolt against the government. I cover four or five dictators, as many decades, World War I and World War II, Iraq, Palestine, Iran, North Korea, Egypt, Syria and Northern Ireland.

I'm grabbing stones and sticks to demonstrate people, boundaries and possession. He is gazing at me with admirable concentration. Curious George has excellent listening skills, though he keeps interrupting me with more questions.

Finally I stop. And breathe.

"So....so with Hitler....he just...wasn't really very nice, and so some people didn't like him?" Curious George says, thoughtfully.

I decide I haven't provided enough anti-Hitler material.

"No, no George. More than that. Hitler was a really bad man, almost nobody liked him. Everyone hated him. The only people that liked him were evil too."

"So a bit like David Cameron? Cause some people don't like him. So he's bit like Hitler?" 

Oh God. What have I done? I didn't say that, did I? I'll have to set him straight.

"No no no, George. Hitler killed people. On purpose. He was really evil, a criminal! David Cameron hasn't killed anyone, not directly, not on purpose. Some people don't like him because they don't agree with the rules he makes, but he's not anything like Hitler." 

"Hitler murdered a lot of innocent people." I repeat.

George stops and thinks for a second.

"Oh I see. So....we can just say, David Cameron is not as bad as Hitler."

You can say that George, I reassure him.

You can definitely say that.







Lilly Limpet

Introducing Lilly Limpet. So called because of her almost permanent attachment to my leg.

Finding playmates for Lilly Limpet is hard work. She's a tiny scrap of a thing with speech and language skills far below that of her peers. They'll join her in, but only if they have to. And even Lilly Limpet knows when she's not really wanted.

Still, I try.

"What about playing with Laura Long Hair?" I suggest. A sweet, tall girl who occasionally finds use for Lilly, albeit usually designating her as the monster to run away from.

"No, she's playing with Rhea and Nadia. Them's don't like me."

Rhea the Rebel and Nasty Nad. She's right. Them's don't like her.

"How about Mad Max?" It's a long shot. Mad Max, with his sweatshirt round his head like a turban, is in lotus position by the wall. Eyes closed, a loud steady drone coming from his lips. It looks like a one person game.

Lilly sighs and looks around. I follow her gaze to a curly blonde girl on the other side of the basketball court. 

"Bingo! Dizzy Lizzy!" I exclaim, happily. "You can join in her game!"

Dizzy Lizzy joins everyone in. Although somehow still struggles to retain playmates too. 
I watch her for a few seconds whilst we walk towards her. She's bent over in old man pose, spinning in a circle, snapping her teeth occasionally. Possibly acting out some sort of animal.

"Do you want to play with Lizzy?" I ask Lilly.

"Mmm...no. She always be's a dog."

A dog. Of course.

"Well you can be the owner!" I suggest, helpfully.

No......she bites."


I sigh and make my way to the shed. I pull out a hula hoop, some skipping ropes and a ball. 

Once again, Lilly Limpet and I will have to play our own game.